Rollercoaster

I always have the habit to re-read my previous blog post before I start writing a new one. Probably wanted to reconnect with the "then" me to see how, "Do I still agree with you?" Haha, something like that. 

I clearly didn't keep up to my promise for writing more. But I am so not blaming myself because this year has been too much for one to handle. 

Where to start? 

To be frank, beginning of the year up till September really wasn't too much of a big deal to me. Of course I have made plans for the year but most of it are forced to be put on hold due to the pandemic. However, it still turned out to be pretty eventful especially at the end of the year.  

Work deserves a para on its own because that's what I've spent most of my time doing this year. This is no doubt the most overwhelming work year for me. Definitely not talking about steep learning curve but the workload, totally feeling extra of it in the past one month with the uprising number of confirmed cases. With the ongoing pandemic, I wouldn't say that I've achieved much but I did grow a lot wiser in many ways. Cross out a few of my to-achieve&do-list and at least moving one step further. To be honest, I still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but not giving up is the key even if it means baby steps (: 

and say whuuuut

I SURVIVED COVID 

Probably that's not something that I should be proud of and have it capitalized. But indeed it was hell of a journey for me. Feeling utterly unprofessional being the first medical officer to be diagnosed in my department but oh well, I just have plain bad shit luck. The process of being diagnosed to how it might have affected your loved ones till hospitalization - discharge then secondary bacterial infection and lastly having to face the post covid complications. I really don't know how I pull myself through it. Besides fighting the virus itself, I had to deal with so much emotions within the family. Crying day by day alongside with constant palpitations - it's something that I wouldn't wanna go through it, ever again.

So, please stay safe everyone! I don't think you need anymore reminder to practice social distancing, wash your hands regularly, wear your mask and shit. By this time, you should be already practicing it and these habits should be at the tip of your finger already. It's always better to be safe than sorry! Trust me, you might be asymptomatic, you might only have mild symptoms but the complications follow you all your life. A little message from your sincerely. 

then ended the longest relationship I've ever had. I came across this online and have been keeping it to myself. Let me share this : - 

"the greatest injustice you can ever settle for is allowing yourself to stay in a relationship or friendship or dynamic that makes you feel lonely or misunderstood or unwanted. " 

and that sums it up! a lot of emotions to deal with up till today but at least I know my heart is feeling a lot better now :) 

then I lost my dearest grandparent </3

A person who I wish I could have hold onto forever and that is how much it hurts to let him go. Words don't do enough justice to tell you how great a person he is. You need to know him in person to understand his charisma. We have had many good memories together and they will stay forever. Always missing you, ahgong! 

 

After being hit by the craziest pandemic of all time, I think I've learned my lesson the hard way. Nothing is guaranteed in life. At the end of the day, you just have to answer to yourself. If you think you've done your best then accept it as your 'the' best at that point of time but that doesn't mean you can't level up or lower it down. Life is too short to always be so harsh on yourself, remember to always pat on your own shoulder and tell yourself you've done well. Even if you didn't, just try harder next time. We will be alright, again (: 

Praying hard for a better year for the world! 

Peace out xx